1. If it should exist, it doesn't. If it does exist, it's out-of-date. 3. Only useless documentation transcends the first two laws.
A carelessly planned project takes three times longer to complete than expected; a carefully planned project takes only twice as long.
A computer program does what you tell it to do, not what you want it to do.
A miracle drug is any drug that will do what the label says it will do
A negotiation shall be considered successful if all parties walk away feeling screwed
After food and sex, man's greatest drive is to tell the other fellow how to do his job.
An idea is not responsible for the people who believe in it
An optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist fears it is true.
Any action for which there is no logical explanation will be deemed "Company Policy"
Any change looks terrible at first
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic
Any system must be designed to withstand the worst possible set of circumstances.
Any system that depends on human reliability is unreliable.
Anyone can hold the helm when the sea is calm
Anything is possible if you don't know what you're talking about.
Anything that begins well ends badly. Anything that begins badly ends worse.
Anytime things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something.
Asking dumb questions is easier than correcting dumb mistakes.
author: "" source: "" tags: [] comment: "" favorite: false ---
Delay is the deadliest form of denial.
Do a little more each day than everyone expects and soon everyone will expect more
Don't worry over that other people are thinking about you. They're too busy worrying over what you are thinking about them
Eighty percent of all people consider themselves to be above average drivers
Even the best friends cannot attend each other's funeral
Every solution breeds new problems.
Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
Everything takes longer than you think it will.
Experience enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.
Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please.
Hell is the place where everything tests perfectly and nothing works.
If a thing is done wrong often enough, it becomes right.
If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
If anything can go wrong, it will.
If anything can't go wrong, it will.
If at first you do succeed, try not to look too astonished.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
If enough data is collected, anything may be proven by statistical methods
If it looks easy, it's tough. If it looks tough, it's damn well impossible.
If it says "one size fits all", it doesn't fit anyone
If one views one's problem closely enough, one will recognize oneself as part of the problem.
If you abstain from drinking, smoking, and carousing, you may not live longer — but it will feel longer
If you cannot convince them, confuse them.
If you don't care where you are, you ain't lost
If you want to make enemies, try to change something
In a hierarchy, every employee tends to rise to his level of incompetence
In mathematics you don't understand things. You just get used to them.
Indecision is the basis for flexibility.
Insanity is doing the same thing the same way and expecting different results
Insurance covers everything except what happens.
It is a simple task to make things complex, but a complex task to make them simple
It is easier to get forgiveness than permission
It is much easier to suggest solutions when you know nothing about the problem.
It is not true that life is one damn thing after another — it's one damn thing over and over
It is well to remember that the entire universe, with one trifling exception, is composed of others
It's amazing how long it takes to complete something you are not working on.
It's better to have a horrible ending than to have horrors without end
It's not who is right, it's who is left
Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain
Men and nations will act rationally when all other possibilities have been exhausted
Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do on a rainy sunday afternoon.
Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity.
Never let the facts get in the way of a carefully thought-out bad decision
Never make a decision you can get someone else to make
Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.
No computer has ever been designed that is ever aware of what it's doing, but most of the time, we aren't either.
No matter what goes wrong, there is always somebody who knew it would.
No matter where you go, there you are!
No one is too old to learn a new way of being stupid
Nostalgia is the realization that things weren't as unbearable as they seemed at the time
Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.
Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget
Nothing exists except atoms and empty space. Everything else is opinion.
Nothing in fine print is ever good news.
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
Nothing is as permanent as that which is called temporary.
Nothing is ever so bad that it can't get worse.
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.
One accurate measurement is worth a thousand expert opinions.
Остановите Землю, я сойду.
Счастье есть. Да, есть — это действительно счастье...
Teamwork is essential. It allows you to blame someone else.
The easier it is to do, the harder it is to change.
The less you do, the less can go wrong.
The one who says it cannot be done should never interrupt the one who is doing it.
The only faults that bother us in others are faults we share
The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the impossible.
The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
The universe is not user-friendly.
There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.
Those who are unable to learn from past meetings are condemned to repeat them
To learn from your mistakes, you must first realize that you are making mistakes.
To spot the expert, pick the one who predicts the job will take the longest and cost the most.
Traditions are solutions for which we have forgotten the problems
We're making progress. Things are getting worse at a slower rate.
Whatever happens, look as if it was intended.
When all else fails, read the instructions.
When things go wrong, don't go with them.
When you do not know what you are doing, do it neatly.
You can never tell which way the train went by looking at the track.
You can only be young once, but you can be immature forever
You have taken yourself too seriously.
Two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.
All software becomes legacy as soon as it's written.
This makes us think we are the smartest creatures on the planet, but that is only because we get to define "smart".
No one can get beyond his own individuality
An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest.
The pay is not great, but work is hard.
This is life! We suffer, and slave, and expire — that's it.
You know what you are? You're a beard with an idiot hanging off it.
Это письмо получилось таким длинным потому, что у меня не было времени написать его короче.
Nothing exists except atoms and empty space. Everything else is opinion.
I am not absentminded. It is the presence of mind that makes me unaware of everything else.
What's comin' will come, an' we'll meet it when it does.
Улучшить человека невозможно, и мы великолепны безнадёжно
I've never met a human being who would want to read 17,000 pages of documentation, and if there was, I'd kill him to get him out of the gene pool.
Если тебе дадут линованную бумагу, пиши поперек.
I knew who I was this morning, but I've changed a few times since then.
Если бы можно было сказать короче — я бы сказал.
Nothing astonishes men so much as common sense and plain dealing.
I'm not a hero because I want your approval. I do it because I want to!
Striving to better, oft we mar that's well.
It is a painful thing To look at your own trouble and know That you yourself and no one else has made it.
He hated being sober. It meant he started to think.
I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it
No clowns were funny. That was the whole purpose of a clown. People laughed at clowns, but only out of nervousness. The point of clowns was that, after watching them, anything else that happened seemed enjoyable.
The problem is, people only think for themselves if you tell them to.
They accept evil not because they say yes, but because they don't say no.
Vimes smiled. S omeone was trying to kill him, and that made him feel more alive than he had done for days.
All that dick-swagger you roll, and you can't spot crazy pussy?
I'm the person least in need of counseling in this entire fucking state.